17/January/2017
ONM Remembered - #454
"Everybody knows discs can hold more graphics and music information, but are they able to deal with enemy A.I. as well as carts?"
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 118 (July 2002)
This month, lots of upset people wrote in letters all at the same time! Games are too short, games are too expensive, nobody wants ports of PS2 games, this magazine stinks! It's refreshing for the magazine to address issues like these rather than run two-sentence letters from ten year olds asking what their favourite Bulbasaur is, and I commend them for responding in a polite and civil manner... though a part of me wishes they'd just scream "WHAT DO YOU EXPECT US TO DO?!" in page-filling text at some point.
ONM were also among the many who foolishly believed the GameCube ports of the other Resident Evil games would be upgraded at all. Man, was that a disappointment. I mean, it was sensible - you don't hype up your high-end remake of one game and then give the silent treatment for your other alleged remakes. Though in hindsight, I wonder if Capcom could have had the talent and budget to remake all those games at the time, rather than now where they needed the sales of both RE1 and RE0 HD to justify even beginning development on one new remake. Oh well.
19/January/2017
ONM Remembered - #455
"So, should you buy it? You'll love it if you like Posh Spice videos - mainly the futuristic one. This has about the same amount of gameplay."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 132 (September 2003)
The first of Shinji Mikami's Capcom Five, P.N.03 didn't exactly set the world on fire. It's not a good sign when even with nearly twenty screenshots set in front of you, you can barely tell the difference between them. To the game's credit, it's not all white corridors - there's one level set in a dusty brown canyon. And some corridors are slightly off-white!
Watching footage of the game I can see a whole bunch of Mikami's traits all over it - the strong female protagonist ala Jill Valentine, the purely mechanic-driven gameplay of God Hand, the endless corridor-trekking of Killer7... but judging purely from a video playthrough, it doesn't seem to gel all that well. It's got a huge emphasis on "style", but that style had nowhere near the panache of Viewtiful Joe or Killer7 (not to mention other games did the "looking like the inside of an iPod" aesthetic better). It's aiming for simplistic arcade-style mechanics, but it clearly just left a lot of people thinking, "is that all?" One interesting intention by the developers was making a game that's fun to play and fun to watch, and while I can't vouch for how fun it is to play, I began fast-forwarding and skipping through the longplay after five minutes, so...
I want to argue it's a game that might've survived better on downloadable platforms rather than a full-priced disc game, though it's also not a concept really worth reviving, y'know? Ah well. We all have our flops.
21/January/2017
ONM Remembered - prelude to Pack-In Week
"Very, very fast at top speed, but you'll never get Tommy there, as he's so fat that his cornering and acceleration don't exist in this universe. Sorry Tommy, we defend anyone's right to eat burgers all day (or Ginster's Chicken and Mushroom Slices, in our case), but to be honest, you're useless."
from N64 Magazine issue 14 (April 1998)
I've sung the praises of N64 Magazine's love and care put into
their magazine, from their graphic design to their punchy writing. But there's
another checkmark in their favour (that I probably unfairly
cracked wise about before) - their pack-in guidebooks! Starting in issue
11 they began packing in cheap little books that offered tips and tricks to
various games, from suggested tactics in racing games to thought-out solutions
to Blast Corps puzzles.
Admittedly they're not so hot after the fact - they're not the interesting
relics like the magazines themselves are, and besides the cute covers featuring
Worldy Bloke there's nothing visually exciting about their insides, but they
were certainly a nice extra and one way of packing more into each mag, even when
it was already bursting with a hundred-plus pages per month. Those folks worked
their butts off is what I'm saying!
You might have guessed I just unearthed a bunch of pack-in booklets belonging to my Nintendo magazines. I'd covered other pack-ins in the past like ONM's calendar, the two card games... and that's probably all, actually, but I figured these deserve their time in the spotlight as well. The theme for the next seven days: PACK-IN WEEK! You'll find more words dedicated to pocket-sized tips books than they probably deserve!
22/January/2017
ONM Remembered - Pack-In Week, day 1
"Mario Kart 64 is the first N64 racing game to be released in the UK and, not surprisingly, it's a cracker."
from Mario Kart 64 Skids In! (pack-in with Official Nintendo Magazine issue 58,
July 1997)
I gushed about my first ever issue of ONM over a year ago and how it spurred me into a Mario Kart 64 fever... and I don't think the fact they made a pack-in booklet just for its review (and Wargods strategies!) helped stifle that obsession. The tips section afterwards is pretty blah and the review itself is a little nonexistent, but these first few pages are a beaut - look at those lovely renders! Check out the pop on those colours! Mario Kart 64 had some great scene renders, but the image on the back is a particular favourite. Even if the tips and tricks were lousy, you could always count on ONM for neato graphic design.
23/January/2017
ONM Remembered - Pack-In Week, day 2
"Pelt the Mystery Ball to the right of Miss Warp 1 to expose Surprise Balls that lead you to a Warp Vase."
from Yoshi's Story Player's Guide (pack-in with Official Nintendo Magazine issue
68, May 1998)
Guides! Walkthroughs! Dinky little maps to help players get all the melons because-- man, was that really the true challenge behind the game? Having a selective diet? There's no way in hell those Yoshis are getting constipation, but balance it out, fellas - both your food groups and your game design.
I do love these guys. If there's one thing Yoshi's Story was good for, it
was delightfully strange enemies that skirt the line between cute, abstract and
grotesque.
24/January/2017
ONM Remembered - Pack-In Week, day 3
"Miyamoto says he'd like to see penguins in all his N64 games. Fortunately these aren't like Mario Kart's kamikaze fowl!"
from 64 Solutions: Pilot Wings / Wave Race (pack-in with 64 Magazine issue 14,
April 1998)
Where ONM used glossy printing that made their tips books appear nigh-identical to the manuals you found in Super Nintendo and Nintendo 64 games, N64 Magazine used cheaper-feeling paper with cardboard covers. ONM went all-out on presentation, often focusing pages on the plethora of official artwork they had to chuck around, while N64 Magazine's were comparatively spartan, but made up for it with helpful tips and their trademark sass-back.
64 Magazine also offered tips books of their own, coming somewhere in between
the two styles: they used cheaper printing, but their house-style graphic design
helped organise the proceedings more than N64's straight-outta-Microsoft-Word
aesthetic. They're a bit wordier, a bit more precise in their support, but also
a bit unpredictable with the images: the Pilot Wings coverage had barely
any imagery at all if I recall; a screenshot or two to break up the flow, but
nothing to aid the write-ups.
Wave Race 64, meanwhile, has got these lush little maps. I haven't even
played Wave Race 64. I can't imagine what good maps are for a racing
game, or if these maps are already viewable in-game, but I'll reprint anything
with a map. Dang it, even in black and white they're pretty!
25/January/2017
ONM Remembered - Pack-In Week, day 4
"Reset Button: This button resets your N64 if, for instance, you're fed up to the back teeth with the somewhat lengthy 'congratulations' sequence in Mario Kart 64."
from The Nintendo 64 Companion (pack-in with N64 Magazine issue 11, January
1998)
I didn't appreciate it at the time, but this is easily one of the most nifty pack-ins from N64 Magazine: a beefy little booklet written by Jes Bickham that covers the Nintendo 64 in fair detail, offering a timeline of its development history, a run-down of its features, summaries of every game and accessory reviewed in its first year... and the phone numbers and websites of every known games developer on the console.
A lot of the details are probably well-known online by now, but having all this handy information in one pocket-sized book must've been mighty novel at the time. The amount of reviews is probably a little bit excessive - the book is nearly 100 pages long! - especially when it comes to the accessories, but it's a neat ol' read that's a good resource to have: it makes for a good buyer's guide, it's got all that technical info to impress your friends, and you can phone up Gremlin Interactive and ask them if their refrigerator's running.
26/January/2017
ONM Remembered - Pack-In Week, day 5
"But have no fear, loyal Kongsters, 'cos your ONM tips book is here to guide you through even the toughest race..."
from Diddy Kong Racing Advanced Driver's Manual (pack-in with Official Nintendo
Magazine issue 64, December 1997)
A handy-dandy guide for the first three worlds of Diddy Kong Racing,
with - of course - adorable little maps showing where the Silver Coins are.
I'm admittedly still buzzing from playing the game
last year,
but it always finds new ways to surprise me - and in this case, it's the amount
of 3D renders Rare made of every dang boss character! I suppose they'd already
made hi-res models that were otherwise never going to be seen again, so nothing
was stopping them from making four different renders of Bluey the Walrus.
I'm sure the people designing the strategy guides were extremely thankful.
27/January/2017
ONM Remembered - Pack-In Week, day 6
"Biokinton is an enemy who throws flying chickens at Mario while floating around inside a cloud. Nobody knows what Biokinton looks like behind his cloud, not even Biokinton's mum."
from The Complete Mario Encyclopedia (pack-in with Official Nintendo Magazine
issue 07, September 2006)
One of the later pack-ins, coming out after ONM had their big mid-2000s
shake-up under new management, this was a more appropriate gift for the new
millennium: a delightful little encyclopaedia to the Mario universe! Let's face
it, once the internet picked up groundswell there wasn't much magazines could
include on the cheap that seemed worth a damn; it was demo discs or bust.
Still, this is nicely bound and well printed and it's just like The Mushroom
Kingdom's Mariopedia
except more tightly edited and not horribly unfinished. It's a breezier read
than trying to digest the Mario Wiki, and it has an entry for bloody Biokinton.
They should win an award for that inclusion.
28/January/2017
ONM Remembered - Pack-In Week, day 7
"Crumble, you ancient pillars! Feel Fox Power!"
from Lylat Wars Pilot's Guide (pack-in with Official Nintendo Magazine issue 62,
November 1997)
A very general-purpose walkthrough, the kind of surface-level writing ONM was
best known for during the late 90s. It'll give you an inkling of what to do, but
it's too breezy to give you clear advice if you're stuck or in need of high
score pointers.
That said, holy crap, talk about an art gallery! I didn't even know Star Fox
64 had this many renders made for it! Not just of the team and their
vehicles, but enemy machines, items, action shots, vehicle turnarounds... I love
it! The vehicular models have only a few more polygons than they do in-game, but
the lighting and detailed textures really bring them to life. You can even see
Wolf in the cockpit of his Wolfen, assumedly using the same model that's
otherwise only used for his prerendered radio communication graphic. Putting
those assets to good use!
That wraps up Pack-In Week. I think I spent more time getting needlessly
excited over official artwork than the actual theme, but that's what happens
when I'm not allowed to straight-up raid Nintendo's archives. Sometime, surely.
ONM Remembered's usual schedule resumes on January 31st, running every Tuesday,
Thursday and Saturday.
31/January/2017
ONM Remembered - #455
"Some of the motion-capture is outstanding and some of the moves even appear to connect! Crikey, Hudson - with this fighting game you are really spoiling us."
More dumping on Dual Heroes, courtesy of Martin Kitts. I've
highlighted the bloody game four times already, but this is the first review to
properly explain the likes of VR Mode and Robot Mode - the latter of which
allows you to train a fighter AI your own brand of fighting. To be honest, I'm
surprised that sort of thing hasn't become more common! I remember Smash
Bros. Brawl had some vaguely-implied notion of the CPU learning tricks from
players, but nothing as open as this.
Fighting games are meant to be a communal experience so faffing about against the computer
is hardly the desired way to play them, but if nothing else it'd be a neat way
of practising against a certain mindset and learning how to react and respond to
certain tricks. (that and it'd allow me to let the AI take over
while i use the bathroom)
02/February/2017
ONM Remembered - #456
"Now... where can I find someone stupid enough to travel in this blatant deathtrap?"
from Super Play issue 9 (July 1993)
04/February/2017
ONM Remembered - #457
"Better known as Daisy in the UK, the pretty pink princess is good for nothing except whimpering and getting kidnapped."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 56 (May 1997), issue 57 (June 1997), and
issue 58
(July 1997)
(big ups to
oldgamemags.com for the scans!)
"It's-A-Me Mario! The Evolution of a Super Star" was a three-issue retrospective on Mario's journey from his humble birth in the arcades to that guy who appeared in that madly popular 3D game. Since I only started collecting ONM at issue 58 I only ever saw the final part, but I finally caught up on the rest thanks to OldGameMags.com. I can't thank them enough!
It's no doubt been overshadowed by many more recent and in-depth features across the internet or even other magazines, but at the time it was pretty fascinating, if just for the rare looks at games and media we never saw in the UK. There's stacks of oddball Nintendo trivia, from Miyamoto's influences to bizarre articles in American newspapers, though there's nary a comment on all the cartoons and comics they include excerpts from. Come on guys, if you're going to get folks excited over the existence of Mario comics, at least let them know what to look for!
07/February/2017
ONM Remembered - #458
"If things are getting tough and your Yoshis are being slaughtered, it's time to call on a renegade band of mercenaries."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 62 (November 1997)
(big ups to
oldgamemags.com for the scans!)
I discussed this topic
before while
covering another Spice Game, but applying strategy game mechanics to a 2D
platformer always tickles me, even if it's bound to be impractical as hell and
nowhere near as nifty as it sounds in my mind. It's like if Mario Maker
had players on both sides; one guy wants to make an impenetrable fortress with
strong foes but limited resources, and the other ones to break in with their own
skilled characters and tools.
The idea completely breaks down once you develop it beyond that incredibly vague
concept - and the Spice Game isn't even a 2D platformer, but a bog-standard
Command & Conquer clone - but dang it, work with me here! I'm brainstorming
killer ideas and banking on someone else to do the hard work for me! Why else
would I run this column for four years but to plant harebrained ideas into
people's heads?!
09/February/2017
ONM Remembered - #459
"The official word on the Nintendo grapevine is that he's going to be called Derek in the Gamecube version."
I don't know what was in the water this month, but this letters page is
exceptionally daft, from a petty Zelda/Final Fantasy rivalry to a
curious interpretation of the word "rip off", not to mention Bowser's naming
woes. The most sensible person on this page is Shane, who boldly states he'd
pass the time in a dank dark dungeon by thrashing his captor at tennis. That
boy's got guts.
Did I ever mention when I was young I was convinced Lakitu was called Luggit? I
swore up and down I read in a manual somewhere, and then when my brother checked
the manuals we owned I swore it was in a message box in Super Mario World.
I don't think either one of us ever read those messages so it was an easy win
until I found better things to do with my life. Like regale stupid personal
stories to strangers on the internet.
11/February/2017
ONM Remembered - #460
"Why was it that only the swots can manipulate the metal loop 'round the windy wire course without touching it and causing it to buzz? Why is it that I, Alex 'steadyhands' Lee, can never quite get it to the end without that bloody buzzer going off?"
In spite of its bizarre tangents and repeated ventures to a 1980s school fete, Alex Lee delivers a solid review of Fire Electric Pen... because what all is there to say about a game adaptation of guiding a hoop along a wire? Also this is the second review I've seen where someone's gotten up in arms over whether a game is worthy of being on the N64. Was that really the talking point of 1998?
I've said it before, but I love these old Japanese renditions of, er, 'sports' games. The wire loop game (which i can't believe hasn't gotten a proper title in all these years) has seen various video game adaptations, from the PlayStation to the Neo Geo, and there's something uniquely Japanese about recreating an activity we'd otherwise only see at fundraising events and children's parties. With digitised commentary and everything! It's just a bummer we don't see this sort of thing on home consoles anymore.