07/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #361
"Not your usual baseball sim"
from Total 64 volume 1 issue 12 (unknown date)
The Nintendo 64 really was a renaissance for not only chubby little men chasing balls around, but reuniting sports games with strangely-implement quest modes - in this case, baseball game Famistar 64. It's a feature that's been prevelant in Japanese sports games for a long time (and only rarely seen exported to English shores, sadly), perhaps most notably in Konami's long-running Power Pro-kun baseball series, but was no exception to other sports like F1 racing, ice hockey, and, er, pinball.
You could argue that WWE 2K15 and other 2K Sports games ushered a revival of this feature with the MyCareer mode, presenting the rise and fall of your custom player over the course of multiple matches, feuds and interviews (or the course of a Spike Lee joint). It's definitely a step in the right direction, but it's not the same without a dinky little RPG overworld, y'know? I won't rest until the next Madden game expands to include airships and accidentally bombing the Mist Village.
09/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #362
"Fight your way through a universe of huge corporations, strange religious sects and futuristic gun-slingers."
"That shoulder enlargement surgery wasn't as thorough as I'd hoped :("
11/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #363
"Everything that made the TV show so popular is in the game. Aside from the funny jokes, great animation and hilarious sound effects..."
One thing I loved about the end of the N64's lifespan was the
strange resurgence in cartoon licensed games. Tom & Jerry! Scooby Doo!
Rugrats! Taz! Powerpuff Girls! Superman 64!
I get the impression they were all kind of terrible, but they were almost
charming in their attempts to recreate the look of the source material using
nothing but jaggy models and bitty textures. Some of them did an admirable job -
Fists of Furry included a bunch of characters, notable locations and even
authentic looking Tom & Jerry title cards (but was missing
the iconic theme for some reason???) - whereas some of them...
... well, let's just say they tried.
14/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #364
"Oh, and Nintendo have signed up Tim Follin to compose the soundtrack in the style of REO Speedwagon. Or maybe I just haven't got a clue. You decide."
Some cute early footage of Paper Mario (then known
alternately as Super Mario RPG 2 or Mario Story), featuring
a different art style, unseen terrain and even some characters we've still yet
to meet in the series!
Even in its early days, the game looked like a gem. The kooky papercraft art
style has really helped the game remain rather timeless, and it's a pity there
hasn't been a new one announced. With all of Nintendo's experimenting with yarn,
claymation and wool effects, you'd think some sweet paper or picture book
effects would be easy. Maybe they could finally make something redeeming out of
Yoshi's Story.
We also have Ask FuSoYa, where Wil Overton dons a beard and answers reader's queries while furiously stalling for time. It's unfortunate his predictions on the Legend of Zelda: Master Quest did not come to be. :{
16/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #365
"Eternal Darkness: Life's a game"
You find a magical mirror that allows you to communicate with three identical
copies of yourself, all high-ranking members of society from notable times in
history... and the best group activity you collectively decide upon is shaving
in the dark.
Normally I'd suggest you find better friends, but perhaps this is a good
opportunity for a bit of self-improvement. Look up your local community college
for a flower-arranging class or something.
18/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #366
"Turok 2 on the Gameboy is a different game unto itself, but just as fun as the Nintendo64 and PC versions!"
from Acclaim's Turok 2: Seeds of Evil Official Strategy Guide (by Jeff Gomez and Evan Skolnick)
After a hundred odd pages of step-by-step walkthroughs, colourful weapon descriptions and nifty comic book artwork, there's a guide for the Game Boy version crammed all into one page. To their credit, I'm surprised they even mentioned the game. Neat soundtrack by Alberto Gonzales aside... I don't know if I could ever muster the patience to play it for more than three minutes. Not in this lifetime, anyway.
Also included is a rare look at the staff behind Turok 2, presumably photographed in the dank, backlit bowels of Acclaim's dungeon. I jest. Thanks for creating a memorable game, you guys!
21/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #367
"Whoever came up with the idea of porting Wheel of Fortune to the N64 should be hurt."
The reviewers at Total 64 paint a target on their backs by daring to talk smack about the great American tradition that is Wheel of Fortune. Was it worth it, lads? When your backs are against the wall and Vanna White is revving her chainsaw, the canned applause beckoning her to paint the alley walls with your blood and entrails, you can ask yourself... was it worth a fate like this?
Perhaps what amuses me the most is Justin's comment, which expresses doom and
gloom over the ramifications of a game show adaptation being made for the N64.
"Releasing games like this will surely damage Nintendo's reputation."
"WOF will do more damage than good" in the name of 'quality over quantity'.
First of all, settle, petal. I don't think a dud or two was ever in danger of
tanking the N64. (the extortionate launch price and long waits
between first-party releases were doing that just fine) Secondly, it
amuses me that long before people were crapping their pants in discontent
over the questionable quality of the Wii's software library, some bozo was
applying the same argument to a console to the N64, of all things. There were
barely enough games on that thing to start raising umbrage with shovelware!
23/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #368
"LOOK!" "Luke WHO" "NO LOOK" "OH"
25/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #369
"FIGHTERS DESTINY"
28/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #370
"To triumph at a game. Any game, you understand. I'm really not fussy."
30/June/2016
ONM Remembered - #371
"I can't wait to get my girlfriend's knickers off...they're killing me."
02/July/2016
ONM Remembered - #372
"Arooga! Never mind those fancy fightin' frolics. Gibbon half a chance, go for Donkey Kong and his primitive, brute strength."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 78 (March 1999)
(big ups to
oldgamemags.com for the scans!)
Gosh dang this review had me excited something fierce! Not since
Mario Party had something got me so worked up. Even piddly little mentions
of the game long before it was even considered to bring this to English shores
got me gee'd up. A big stonking Nintendo crossover! And they're all clobbering
each other! If they're all here in one game, why would I ever swap cartridges
again in my life?!
Not only was this the sort of hands-on character action I wanted from a
crossover event, but the preview is bursting with colourful comic book-style
artwork, seemingly huge arenas, and best of all, a personality chart that
determines who your ideal character is. Beat that, Quizilla!
I was gaga for Smash Bros, and I almost take the franchise for granted now despite it pressing so many of my buttons. It's a fighting game (well kinda sorta maybe) that's incredibly accessible and easy to learn. It's a big dumb crossover with great attention to detail, from the player intros to the stage details to even the character profiles. It can be as skill-based or as luck-based as you want it to be, depending on the stage and item options you choose. And the engine is a great blend of combat and platforming, so much so that the bonus games are as much fun to dip into as a regular battle royale.
It's a bloody divisive series to put it lightly, with its frothing splintered fanbase being just one aspect of it, but I'm afraid I'm one of those dopes who still has a great fondness for the games. You're not just clarting about in karts or on a strategy board - you play as these characters, and when so many crossovers these days are as mere tokens in strategy games, be they SRPGs or tower defence, you gotta respect it when there's a game building full movesets and playstyles around these dudes. I still haven't got around to the fourth one, but the buzz around all the announcements was a great thrill.
Of course, I sing all these praises when I haven't touched the games in years. I wouldn't be surprised if I hate the game when I come back to it. For all the good times I've had, Smash Bros. goes through phases of being tolerable and... not so tolerable.
05/July/2016
ONM Remembered - #373
"Melvin Sheep says... 'Welcome to MUTTON WORLD' (For The Best Fun You Can Have With A Sheep)"
07/July/2016
ONM Remembered - #374
"PlayStation 2 controllers may have been voted the most comfortable around but after a match of FIFA they might as well be coated in butter as they become far too slippery."
This is the story of my bloody life.
I want to say sweating all over gamepads is just a thing that happens, probably because I don't want to be alone with this problem, but I'd like to think there are millions of folks out there living merry, dry-palmed lives, able to put away a controller after a night of Left 4 Dead without even a drop of moisture on it. Meanwhile I'm digging out old GameCube controllers and having to scrape my palm residue from in between the prongs. I could tell you stories that'd scare the eyebrows clean off your face, buddy.
Forget plastic surgery and fake tans, I'd kill for a perspiration dial. Turn it down when I'd really rather wear a dry shirt outside today, and crank it up whenever I need to ward off large predators.
09/July/2016
ONM Remembered - #375
"In Blast Corps, Amber is always saying: "You're just trying to undress me." I find the tension quite unbearable."
