Jan
2021
Dinosaur Hunter Diaries #100: Radio Men of Lost Land! Part 2
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter #32
Lost Land needs women.
Turok and Andy are just one of many trapped in the Lost Land after a scientific
expedition turned out to be a front for a sleazy film shoot — and while scouting
the area, our heroes have unwittingly roused a roving slime beast to give chase!
Regan's not having a good time of it either; while dressing down for her own
amusement, the site of the plane crash has been invading by dome-headed
aliens, dead set on abducting every lady present! The crew try to stop them, but Awkland bites it. The aliens make good their escape by using the film crew's
smoke effects against them, having taken the four ladies with them: Regan,
Charlotte, Janine, and Margaret. Only after the invaders take their leave...
... does the slime beast suddenly stop pursuing Turok and Andy, sludging off to
follow behind the human-alien convoy. The two have lost all their guns to the
beast, so they're in no position to pursue. They return to camp to hear of
all the action they missed; Shoedsack's dead set on kicking his feet and
staying put, but knowing Regan is among the missing, Turok takes charge and
kicks everyone into gear.
Shockingly, Willis does not kill himself attempting this. He
actually learns a surprise fact that will help them later!
Meanwhile, the ladies and their brainy, sludgy captives lead them to their final
destination: a castle straight out of a Hammer Horror matte painting. Madeline
gets some lip from the radio men, prompting her to kick a crowd of them off the
cliff... and she's repaid in kind, unfortunately. That leaves only Regan, Charlotte and
Janine... and for all they know, Madeline's fate might have been kinder than
what awaits them inside the lair...!
Just as you'd expect — more Z-tier cinema schlock! All the crazy
monsters we're seeing are somewhat out of left field in the Lost Land, which so far
was
limited to prehistoric nasties and the occasional mutation by Mothergod or the
Spider Demons. To have a towering pile of sludge with multiple eyes and mouths,
or squirming green gremlings with caps that emit radio signals... it's all a bit
out there, innit. To be fair, the Lost Land is said to be a melting pot of
specimens from all possible worlds, so who's to say these aren't actual-factual alien lifeforms?
X-O Manowar's fought plenty already.
The problem with using a comic as an outlet for a b-movie plot is that
there's even less room to explore dumb character moments. We get exactly one
panel of the Aussie before his death to clarify, oh, he's Australian. One dude
wears the Radio-Men helmet to suggest he's either smart enough or dumb enough to
try bad ideas. Brett contests Turok's
authority, but Lex figures so long as he gets the ladies back, he's on the level.
And the ladies, bless 'em, are all varying levels of cattiness that they tend to
blend together.
There's little
to go on beyond immediate visual clues, but hey, maybe they die in amusing ways
or something, who knows. Despite the carnage, I want to say there's generally
been a heart and respect for life in the Turok comics... but c'mon, in a setting
like this, it's asking for dudes to die miserably. We haven't even gotten to the
good stuff yet!
The letters pages features more queries from eager readers,
including the general consensus on dinosaurs suddenly becoming a common new
fauna across earth; the logistics of Kru's alleged 'brain-washing' via the
bionisaur implant a couple issues ago; and trying to keep up with Turok's movements,
especially factoring in his jaunt to New York to visit Aric in X-O Manowar
#47.
It's refreshing to know I'm not alone in pondering these questions, ones that go
largely unanswered by the stories themselves... and also go unanswered by Andy, whose
invariable response to these extremely detailed multi-question letters, often
pertaining to Turok's character relationships and lore, is "no idea, I'll ask
him!" Look, one of us has got a deadline, and it sure ain't the dudes writing
these long-ass letters. If you're writing to ask questions,
spitball some theories while you're at it! Sow the seeds for Turok fanfiction!
God knows I'm hankering for some!