01/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #318
"You'll never meet a more heroic band of game reviewers than these fellows."
More daring tales of the N64 magazine staff, featuring quite possibly the most unflattering photo of Zy Nicholson.
03/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #319
"GO WILD! On Your Game Boy Advance"
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 123 (December 2002)
Never ask the Power Rangers to play Rock Paper Scissors, they're big stinking cheaters who'll gang up on you and use nothing but Tiger Hand.
Also that shark helmet makes me upset there was never a Power Rangers/Street Sharks crossover.
05/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #320
"We think she's on to 'thumbthing'."
I don't have the issue with the mentioned Triforce coverage, though I can't imagine it had much to say we don't already know: it's that arcade board joint-produced by Namco, SEGA and Nintendo running on modified GameCube hardware, and had, like, six games on it? All anyone remembers are F-Zero AX and the two Mario Kart Arcade GP games, and only while screaming "when's the home ports, Nintendo!?"
I would like to know the exact reasoning behind the idea - the column only mentions the declining popularity of arcades with western developers, but had they any intention of reaching international markets with these? It sounds like one of those quaint cross-communication ideas they experimented with in that era such as the GBA-to-GCN cable and e-Reader, only now you have an arcade that has these games, and hope it hasn't been banged up to uselessness. Not a hopeful prospect outside if you're outside Japan, from the sounds of it!
Also, shout-outs to everyone in the audience with big wonky thumbs - apparently we're ahead of the curve in human evolution! Party on, dudes!
08/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #321
"... letting you feel every red-hot bullet penetrating Bond's soft flesh."
from 64 Magazine volume 9 (1998)
On one hand this looks sweet as hell and would give me good reason to dig out some rumble-compatible games again... and on the other hand, this looks like a guaranteed vomit machine.
It tickles me knowing how much people valued rumble functionality in games so long ago - when was the last time anyone even talked about it? Boasting about how in-tune the rumbles were with the action in Lylat Wars was a freakin' selling point, man! There was some outrage back when the PS3 didn't include it, if I recall, but nowadays it's one of those features that are a given but I hear no one actually talking about. The controller rumbles during Lost Planet 3's loading screens for no rhyme nor reason, and I have seen no one comment upon it. Had this been 1998 that would've knocked two points off its score, for sure.
10/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #322
"FIRST LOOK AT... DIE HARD"
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 121 (October 2002)
Whoa, put him back in! He ain't done yet!
(despite appearances, this is not John McClane - his model actually looks worse, believe it or not)
12/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #323
"A game that gives the great Mazza a run for his money."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 62 (November 1997)
(big ups to OldGameMags for
the scans!)
From a colourful if mundane preview of Mystical Ninja Starring
Goemon comes this hilarious showcase of Goemon's acting range. That man'll
never make it to Broadway.
(if you want to be a killjoy all the characters actually have a
variety of facial expressions and are as easy to see as pressing the B Button
but pfft who are you to stop a magazine editor having a laugh)
15/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #324
"... along with new weirdoes such as Rabbid the giant, scooter-riding rabbit who thinks he's Norman Bates, and Claw Capaldi, the evil mobster lobster with a huge chip on his shoulder."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 59 (August 1997)
(big ups to OldGameMags for
the scans!)
Yikes, I can't believe I've never seen this footage before - and I'm certain I had this issue! Needless to say, absolutely none of these environments show up in the final game, never mind appear in other early footage - not to mention talk of brand new opponents who, surprise surprise, never saw the light of day.
I know the Earthworm Jim franchise is already bizarre, but
usually on a somewhat comprehensible level. A goldfish with delusions of power,
a hellish torture realm backed by elevator muzak - concepts silly and
outlandish, but on a level where you can say "I see the joke there."
This, however? This whole page looks like a terrifying fever dream. From the
outlandish architecture to the nonsensical textures - and let's not forget the
giant screaming drain pipe... this is like something out of my nightmares.
And I like it.
I'm a sucker for digital art, from pixels to polygons, but there's something especially charming in the early days of 3D when there was an abundance of imagination and a dearth of hardware resources. Far-out concepts brought to life using the least polygons possible, and slathered in unflattering textures. That top image doesn't look far off from something I'd find on an obscure cyberpunk art blog. The finished game has its fair share of insanity, sure, but nothing that made me breathlessly gasp to myself, "what the fuck am I looking at?" And I'm all the more saddened because of it.
17/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #325
"21: The number of days before the premiere of Pokémon when Ash's sidekick, Clefairy, was replaced by Pikachu."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 116 (May 2002)
Spider-Man turned out to be a rather blah game, but man did
it have some strange features. Playing as the Green Goblin! Cryptic messages in
the clouds! A totally joyless stealth system! Had the game
actually gathered a following I'd like to think people would still be talking
about its oddities to this day... but instead I'm pondering them by myself. Oh
well.
The page also features yet another Nintendo By Numbers feature full
of boring statistics, except for the first one. Where on earth did they source
that from?! Clefairy was once the mascot of Pokémon!?
(Bulbapedia credits this factoid to two unofficial English books
both released after this issue saw publication... so, what, did ONM squeeze this
out of Satoshi Tajiri during one of their visits to Japan? I need someone
to blame for the over-saturation of Pikachu!)
19/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #326
"He is one of the world's most interesting characters, which is why I named my kitten after him."
from N64 Magazine issue 9 (December 1997)
What should have been a jolly fun letter-answering session for the N64 Magazine crew turns out to be a savage beatdown on all of their editorial choices! Everything from glaring omissions to review scores, slipped release dates and daring to insult Tintin, the poor sods can't catch a break. Come on, now, if there's magazine that deserves you to turn a blind eye to its occasional screw-ups, it's this one.
22/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #327
"It's certainly satisfying blowing a bad guy across the room with a shotgun."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 118 (July 2002)
A very quick preview of Die Hard Vendetta paired up with an interview with the game's director, Mario Aguera. Some of the info here is different from the final product, unfortunately - the HUD is different, the GameCube version is actually missing the multi-player mode as far as I can tell, and worst of all, shotgunning an enemy just plays the same animation as any other injury. Boo.
This was a game I followed excitedly in ONM and was almost certain I'd pick it up the moment I saw it on shelves... but for whatever reason just let it pass me by. I did pick it up and finished it recently, and I'm almost disappointed I never experienced it years ago, if just to know what my reaction would've been. This preview mentions some of the nifty features, like the single-button shift between stealth and guns-a-blazing, and how that and even your path through the level can change the outcome of various scenarios along the way... at least, in the early levels. It's a great incentive to explore or even replay levels, and there are some great features in there that I think designers could learn a thing or two from. The game's own behind-the-scenes videos are an entertaining watch if you're into dorky stuff like this.
That said, hoo boy, does this game feels like a relic nowadays. It takes stacks of cues from Goldeneye and applies some then-modern conventions to it, yet Goldeneye still feels like a fresher game. It's a little too keen with throwing surprises at you, very much in the spirit of the Die Hard movies... except in the movies John reacts and adapts to such threats. In the games you usually get unceremoniously killed with little warning and have to replay almost the entire stage. It dampens the experience a tad, to put it lightly.
It's viciously outdated, but I'd almost suggest playing it if just for curiosity's sake. It's a game I'd love to discuss more, but I'm trying to refrain from grabbing tangentially related Nintendo magazines and going "and another thing!"
24/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #328
"Got a problem with that? Take it up with Donald, then. He'll kick your face off."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 94 (July 2000)
Uncle Tusk is as loose-lipped as ever. Better luck next time!
26/September/2015
ONM Remembered - #329
"If you want lizards, wait for Yoshi."
from 64 Magazine volume 10 (1998)
Chameleon Twist is one of those games I got a
disproportionate amount of joy out of when I was a kid - I mean, a game as
"okay" as this should not have given me so much fun! - but offers very little
upon returning to it. The concept is nifty and the visuals are dopey and
charming, but it just ain't that exciting to play. I haven't had a chance to
revisit the Battle Mode, mind you, and I'm hoping it was just as stupidly fun as
it was back then. It might have just been because my pals never stopped singing
Karma Chameleon during every match, mind you, but don't let me down,
Chameleon Twist!
(fun fact: the reason i didn't get Chameleon Twist 2 was
because I hated that they actually looked like chameleons in that game. talk
about a swerve!)
I was also about to comment on where they got the "collecting carrots" part from, but then I was reminded that the Japanese version actually has a bunch more content than the international versions. Crap, I guess I do have a reason to try the game again!