08/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #133
"A virtual pet you can actually adore"
from official Nintendo Magazine issue 64 (January 1998)
Nintendo sure have faffed about with voice recognition and microphone accessories for a long time, haven't they? The Nintendo 64 had a microphone used only for Hey You, Pikachu!; there was that GameCube microphone that I think only saw use in Mario Party 6; there was the dumb as all get-out microphone built into the Nintendo DS... and then the Wii had that WiiSpeak thing where you could tell people on Animal Crossing what colour socks you were wearing. I'm surprised there's been so many of them in their history. It's nice that you're trying, guys, but give it a rest already!
Judging from this Space World '97 coverage, Pikachu Denki Gechu must
have been in development for two or more years before its Christmas 1998 release
in Japan. This looks way more like a tech demo than the final product, where I
believe Pikachu has a dumb little house and goes fishing and does things
electric rodents aren't normally expected to do. Break those boundaries, Pikachu.
I say "I believe" because Hey You, Pikachu! never saw a European release.
It was covered as an import in one magazine, but that's as far as we got.
Developing voice recognition is hard enough, but having to adjust it to
recognise all manner of mixed and varied accents across the globe would be an
absolute killer. My heart goes out to the developers. You try so hard, and I
don't know if anyone out there cares!
Wouldn't Hey You, Pikachu! be more interesting if Pikachu was the one shouting the commands? Preferably in a thick Brummie accent. That'd just be delightfully unsettling.
10/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #134
"It's got four!"
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 63 (December 1997)
You might have noticed there's a few staples of ONM Remembered. Okay, it's more than a few, but I'll spare you the list. I'm a sucker for anything to do with controllers and peripherals from the Nintendo 64 era. And any magazine article that happens to talk about them in-depth... well, hot dog, I am all over that!
Jeez, who knew there were so many steering wheels for the N64? Who knew there were so many racing games, for that matter?
There's an interesting column along the side giving a brief breakdown of the development of a controller; in this case, InterAct's Rattlesnake steering wheel prong thing. Going from its conception, then design, and on to production. You don't really hear much about the development cycle of a video game controller, let alone a third-party one, do you? I think it's neat to hear about. I would've loved for this to have been in more detail with a broader scope, but they'd probably be pandering to the geekiest audience imaginable if they did that. They've got a reputation to uphold!
Speaking of reputations, if I hadn't a crippling penchant for starting and abandoning projects on a whim, I'd probably end up starting an online museum for all these dumb old game accessories forgotten to time. Thankfully, someone has spared me the effort! I would've loved an excuse to go scrounging for old, obscure controllers though, because hokey smokes, look at those translucent gamepads! I think I'm in love.
13/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #135
"CRUNCH: Official partner of Tonic Trouble"
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 86 (November 1999)
Because we all know the only way to squash tomatoes is with muscles spanning from here to Nebraska.
15/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #136
"FEAR!EYE EYE"
Earthworm Jim 3D was an interesting game, wasn't it? It didn't play a darn thing like its predecessors, had none of the original staff in its development, and just had a weird, offbeat vibe like no one knew what to do with it. It seemed to be in development for ages, and I don't think a single preview of the game during that period looked a thing like the finished product.
To be honest, it wouldn't surprise me if all of these early screenshots were little more than mock-ups. All the previews seemed keen to showcase screenshots and concept art together, as if they literally had a dearth of legit footage to show off. It makes me wonder if the developers had any idea what they were doing at this point, or if it was just a bunch of random ideas they'd hoped would come together at a later date. Which isn't actually that far off from how the original game was developed, from the sounds of it. Of all the traditions they chose to hold onto!
17/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #137 - prelude to Never Reached The Shelves Week
"Ghost Troopers are crack assassins."
I imagine at one point a spin-off of Starcraft with third-person shooter gameplay would've been considered quite innovative, and perhaps even a novelty. It looks okay, I guess, and seeing the Starcraft universe from a hominid's perspective rather than an RTS-commander-god's-eye-view would be rather nifty, but I think the time that this would've impressed anyone has long since sailed. Pity, I guess!
We've got another themed week ahead of us: NEVER REACHED THE SHELVES WEEK! Why, you ask? Because Unreleased Games Week would've been too sensible a title. That, and I need every excuse I can to thin down this backlog. You'd be surprised how many pages there are dedicated to stuff that never came out. Whether or not it'll be worth reading... well, that's up for you to find out!
19/August/2013
ONM Remembered - Never Reached The Shelves Week, day 1
"Baywatch babe comes to Dolphin"
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 92 (May 2000)
Would you believe that only half of the stuff featured in this page
actually amounted to anything? (if you've been keeping track of
this week's theme, then yes, that might seem credible)
The featured game, Picassio, apparently hung about in development hell
without actually accomplishing anything, and got canned. The concept of larking
about and stealing priceless art is intriguing enough - I wanna imagine like
Tomb Raider meets Bonanza Bros - but it would have needed some sharp
and slick execution to make it anything memorable, I believe.
VIP, starring you know who, did not see a GameCube release... but
did get a Game Boy Advance game, for all your discrete wobble-watching
enjoyment. And someone out there ripped the
sprites, so,
you know, you could skip the game entirely and enjoy those instead.
... in hindsight, watching Baywatch on television seemed a lot more
wholesome than anything we do nowadays.
Title Defence was previewed in
IGN, where a big
deal was made out of its unique features, including detailed injuries, a
first-person view option and more, and had the gall to dismiss Ready 2 Rumble
as "not really a boxing game." Oooooh, dang! Them fighting words, son! Is
Ready 2 Rumble gonna take that sittin' down?
... who knows, because Title Defence vanished, leaving a mere three
screenshots behind, and Ready 2 Rumble never got a GameCube port. Also,
buddy, I'd suggest seeking more engaging means of entertainment instead of
pitting two video games at each other. Game discs are very fragile, for goodness
sake. If you're going to watch something fight, get some lobsters.
20/August/2013
ONM Remembered - Never Reached The Shelves Week, day 2
"Super NES sequel on the cards"
Did you know a Turrican sequel was announced for the Nintendo 64? Now you know! And that's seemingly as far as they got into developing it. Given how Star Wars: Rogue Squadron was released only a year and a half after this issue, I assume Factor 5 being gobbled up by LucasArts was what put the kibosh on this.
21/August/2013
ONM Remembered - Never Reached The Shelves Week, day 3
"(no, really - apparently Hitler recognises the supernatural power of the perfect N64 cartridge)"
from N64 Magazine issue 14 (April 1998)
Raiders of the Lost Cart! What is this? A whole eight pages
dedicated to talking about unreleased games?! Be still, my beating heart!
It's
kind of funny that even in 1998, a single year after the console's European release,
there were enough unreleased games to dedicate a whole feature to them. I'm not
complaining, though, I lap this stuff up. I don't know about the rest of you,
but forget you, it's my website, buddy.
Of the fifteen games showcased, only five of them saw eventual
release on the N64. Some of these games seemed positively mythical back in the
day, particularly Robotech: Crystal Dreams; my brother pored over those
screenshots for a long, long time. The game has an interesting development
history, a case of three enthusiastic dudes unprepared for the new hardware and
undone by publishing and budget woes. Doug Lanford, one of the programmers, has
an adorably passionate
webpage on the game that's been around since the time of dinosaurs, and is
worth checking out.
Seeing the game itself in
action, though... well, hm. It's nowhere near as exciting as the
screenshots in the magazine.
(which only now have I acknowledged are simply mock-ups)
(my brother's 12 year old self would be so pissed if he knew that)
There's also an interesting chat with the folks at DMA Design at the end, regarding developing for the N64 and how vitally important it is to know what a console is capable of.
22/August/2013
ONM Remembered - Never Reached The Shelves Week, day 4
"We'll be keeping track of how the game is progressing..."
from 64 Magazine volume 10 (29th January 1998)
A Speccy developer moving up to the 64-bit Nintendo? Why, isn't that just
charming!
I'm afraid I've never played any of Jon Ritman's games (though it
looks like if you're a fan of isometric puzzle games, the man's a godsend),
but this seemed like an intriguing bit of news. Doesn't seem like anything come
of it, though; MobyGames shows a big gap in his credits in the 90s, and
Cranberry Source seem to have only released two games before getting bought out.
23/August/2013
ONM Remembered - Never Reached The Shelves Week, day 5
"The characters and set-pieces you encounter are so adult-orientated that we can't explain many of them without being banished to the top shelf of your local newsie."
from N64 Magazine issue 41 (May 2000)
Cor! A mere two years after their last one, N64 Magazine needed another round-up of all the games that'd yet to show their faces.
Still not a great showing - of the nine games featured, only three
saw release on the Nintendo 64, while two had to wait for the GameCube and Game
Boy Advance before release! This claims an N64 Grand Theft Auto was in
development, though I don't think anything was ever showcased of it. We did get
really dodgy ones on the Game Boy and Game Boy Advance, so, uh, cheers, Rockstar.
Included at the end is a list of games denied a European release at the time of
writing... and none of them reached our shores. Not a single one! As a dumb kid
cripplingly infatuated with both Bomberman AND Snowboard Kids
at the time, that did take the piss a little. Live 'n' learn, eh?
24/August/2013
ONM Remembered - Never Reached The Shelves Week, day 6
"A strong central character and generous heapings of gameplay."
from N64 Magazine issue 7 (October 1997)
Welp. With only two helpings of concept art and painfully vague
descriptions for both games, there's very little room for speculation here,
especially when Argonaut's only output on the console was Buck Bumble. not to
mention that Argonaut's only output on the N64 was Buck Bumble. If you
were mad, you could probably stretch the "straighter take on the
inter-galactic genre" sentence into possibly mutating into Buck's
development... but only if you were mad, though.
Don't you love aimless history lessons?
25/August/2013
ONM Remembered - Never Reached The Shelves Week, day 7
"64SIGHT"
from 64 Magazine volume 9 (1998)
Conker's Twelve Tales! The story of the little game that nobody took seriously, so it started drinking and cursing and vomiting and now EVERYONE LOVES THE SHIT OUT OF IT.
When you hear about Twelve Tales' conversion into Conker's Bad Fur Day, one foolishly assumes it was a rather basic conversion process. Drop that jumping puzzle, switch it with some bad language, replace the cyclops with a big-dicked caveman... that sort of thing. But then you watch footage of the original game, and it really is a completely different game. It's stunning! There's all sorts of unique content and scenarios that goes completely unused in the final game, and one can't help feeling a little conned when you could've been visiting a saloon full of cowboy cacti instead of swimming through poo-stained rotary fans a half-dozen times.
Also, more freakin' Jest. The game that never leaves me alone!
Never Saw The Shelves Week draws to an unceremonious, if not unexpected close: me bitching about things. The regular schedule resumes on Tuesday, so you can look forward to me bitching about things in a slightly different context!
27/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #138
"Slash him up"
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 94 (July 2000)
This charming little excerpt comes from a multi-page feature highlighting the then-new and improved Conker's Bad Fur Day, flaunting its bad language, innuendo and deluge of fluids to the unsuspecting masses.
I may have bemoaned the revamp a couple of days ago, but I've a lot of respect for Conker's Bad Fur Day, and a lot of fond memories. I mean, at the very least, what other game lets you piss on golems and whack a robot in its robot-genitals? Probably more and more everyday, thanks to the classy state of the games industry. Thanks for denying us that rare novelty, lads.
For an N64 game, Conker looked especially slick, and the sheer amount of
cutscenes, dialogue and stupid little details gave it plenty of charm. And as
far as N64 games go, it made for a great conversation piece. "Hey, have you guys
seen this game with the singing poo? Oh, it's class. Check this out, it's also
got these scouser beetles, and you can bite the ass off of this giant caveman."
Not many games give you the privilege to show people only the best bits!
... on a completed save file, that is. When I started a new file in it a year or
two ago, I was taken aback by how sluggish it is to start, due to the amount of
meaningless guff and unskippable cutscenes you've got to wade through. The game
has some brilliant moments that make you think, "that game was fantastic!", and
then you play it, and you realise all the guff you glossed over to retain that
perception.
The multi-player, though? Crackin' stuff. I can talk shit on the campaign for
days if you request it (please don't), but my pals and I
have had stacks of fun in those deathmatch modes.
It's a good thing they completely dropped the offline multi-player in that Xbox
remake, wasn't it?
(god damn it rare)
29/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #139
"We'll release her, but she really is bonkers!"
from N64 Magazine issue 10 (December 1997)
An amusing little ad for Mischief Makers. It's comforting to know that even in 1997, anime faces rendered in 3D were still unsettling.
31/August/2013
ONM Remembered - #140
"Claypots has gone completely insane, and he's taken over the ONM office. Even worse, he's stolen Super Mario 64 2 and he'll only return it if the staff agree to become his slaves."
from Official Nintendo Magazine issue 68 (May 1998)
Looks like another run-of-the-mill letters page from the N64 era. Another Spice Game about the assassination of editor Simon Clays, more destruction of rival consoles, more arguing over review scores (some things never change!), and... the departure of Seal? Say it ain't so!
Yep, with one last farewell dig from Claypots, Seal bogs off to who cares where. I'd say "it was a good run", but my experience with Seal is brief and limited to, what, four issues? Yeah, I haven't much to say. See your later, alligator.