Nov
2020
Dinosaur Hunter Diaries #088: Quetzalcoatl
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter #28
Kids, don't do drugs. Dinosaurs, especially don't do drugs.
Having finally returned to Earth, Regan Howell calls for Turok to come visit
her, and he hopes he knows why: to propose their love for one another. And the
only way he knows how is to present her with half a dozen horses.
She's... charmed, but that's not it. Turok is still wanted for aiding and
abetting a wanted criminal's escape (the joke's on them, Chichak's in a whole
other dimension!), but the fuzz are willing to overlook it if he assists them on
another dino-hunt.
Next stop: Bolivia! An old Harvard classmate of Regan's, Dr. Pilar Aguilla,
explains they need his help with a tyrannosaurus rex that's been... no joke,
snorting cocaine and going loco. The Drug Enforcement Administration have
entrusted Turok with capturing the beast, which hopefully will spearhead a
drug-busting dinosaur division, as absurd as that sounds. Turok's got no say in
the matter, so long as he gets a big gun to play with.
Turok and Pilar are paired up with two burly DEA agents as they approach the
Yungas, and they've just missed another bad trip. The village is totalled with
over a dozen casualties, but the survivors took to the trees; they believe the
beast was the Toltec god Quetzalcoatl delivering retribution for their savagery
upon the forest. The gang lay bait and spend the night waiting for its return.
Look at this:
Turok finally put a shirt on! He's not just walking around in feathers and jeans
all day! It... does not do him justice. It's commendable for being an outfit
that's not so stereotypically 'native', but going tits-out is the practically
Turok way. That and it makes him look like Steven Seagal, which was only in
vogue between the years of 1992 and 1996.
In that time, Turok and Pilar get to know each other; the hunter's still kicking
himself for believing Regan could want a man like him, but Pilar would take him
in a heartbeat. He's flattered, and would be happy to take her as his love if he
did not see Regan as his potential life partner. Pilar tries to take it in
stride. "Why is it all the good ones are taken or have weird moral
convictions?"
The next day, the DEA goons try to mack on Pilar, but it doesn't go well-- she
and Turok don't just box some sense into them--
-- but they serve as the first snacks for the coke-fuelled tyrannosaur.
Everybody scarpers, and Turok and Pilar duck into the trees — the beast can only
hunt on sight, its other senses now crack-addled into uselessness.
Still, what it sees, it kills. While Pilar takes shelter, Turok lays into
it with his last explosive arrow and barely makes a dent. With this much coke in
its system, it's probably the toughest and most terrifying apex predator Turok's
encountered yet.
... and much like Pablo Eskobear, its moment of glory ends in a fatal burnout.
Watch out, Turok! There's another t-rex on the prowl! And it's straight edge!
Turok lures it away while Pilar dashes for the helicopter; it's since been
totalled in the chaos, and any plans for a quick getaway or using its rotors are
out of the question.
So she fires a missile at it instead.
The DEA aren't too chuffed about this mess; they asked for the dinosaur to be
captured, not extra crispy. The operation was a bust, but if it weren't
for Turok, they would have had countless more casualties to mention in their
report.
After the rip-roaring Campaigner tale, Mike Baron presents a back-to-basics
mission-of-the-week tale. It doesn't invigorate quite the same way, but it's
nice to see a return to the simple things — a bit of dinosaur hunting, and a
chance for Turok to come clean with his feelings for Regan. It's perhaps not the
best time, Turok being on the wrong side of the law and all, but at least the
two are on speaking terms after their big to-do the last time they spoke.
Artist Neil Hansen makes a one-time appearance on the series, presenting a great
photo-realistic vibe full of lush black inks and dynamic panels. Turok and Pilar
have great clean-cut hero and heroine looks about them this ish, like something
from an old-timey movie poster, ala The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms. This
was Neil's one and only contribution to Valiant Comics, though likely the result
of his frequent collaborations with Mike Baron, having worked together on fare like
The Badger and The Punisher.