25/December/2015
I spent ten minutes trying to think of a post title (and all I got was this lousy update)
Logged a couple of more chapters into the Legend of Zelda playthrough. I've finished the game already, so the final chapters are just awaiting a write-up. Expect to see them... sometime!
So, Random Hoo Haas turned ten years old a couple of months
ago.
I'm still
not sure what to think about that! To be frank, I'm not even sure what my
ambition with the website is these days. Am I trying to be funny? A reviewer?
Informative? I'm no wiser than you are, pal. Leave a comment and clue me
in!
I admit I enjoy just using it as a way to keep myself busy. An outlet
for noodling away at whatever dumb project strikes my fancy. It's not glamorous
and it sure as heck ain't consistent - who bets we'll see more than three
updates next year? - but I enjoy it when I treat it as a light-hearted
distraction.
I, er, do apologise to everyone who's bored stiff of Bomberman minutiae and my
foggy recollections of games I play each year. Let me know what you want
out of Random Hoo Haas, and I might take it into account when I'm not making
foolish purchases!
I have zero plans for next year, and I might take an extended break or two, but there's probably some dumb thing nobody asked for that I'll just have to upload. Lookin' forward to it!
27/October/2015
Updates! It's been a while since we've had one of
those!
There are two new chapters to the
Legend of Zelda
playthrough, as well as four new
Otimusya
translations for
Final
Fight*,
Wolfenstein 3D,
F-Zero
and
Hokuto no Ken - all because one person asked me very nicely that they
wanted to see more of those features. And
because nobody asked for it, there's reviews for stuff I watched, read and
played in 2013
and 2014.
I also got some rough info up on
Bakufuu
Sentai Bombermen on the shrine place, just to fill a hole.
* Just a head's up that this piece has some rape and transphobic
jokes, should one prefer to avoid those.
It'll be Random Hoo Haas' tenth anniversary tomorrow. I'll be frank, I'm scared silly at the realisation that I've been maintaining this thing for the past decade.
12/April/2015
So, how about that
F-Zero: Falcon Densetsu, huh? Its coverage finished on Random
Action Hour way back in April, if you missed it! It got a hastily-made
characters page and everything!
I got around six emails during that period about what people want to see on
Random Action Hour, which was actually pretty nifty! It's neat to see folks
still expressing interest in the site, and I appreciate the interest, though
covering F-Zero was exhausting enough; I forgot how time-consuming that
stuff can be! There's a couple of shows I'd like to cover on it sometime in the
future, but I can't imagine it'd be any time soon. I need a break.
And having essentially watched the series two and a half times by now, I need to get it off my chest: my big dumb opinions on F-Zero: The Legend of Falcon can be found beneath the cut!
F-Zero: Falcon Densetsu is the story of Ryu Suzaku, a cop who died trying to
capture a prisoner, Zoda, and the two find themselves revived in the 23rd
century; Ryu in a special police organisation, and Zoda under the evil banner of
Black Shadow. The two groups fight over the prize money of F-Zero races with the
interference of Captain Falcon, and as events proceed a number of questions are
asked: Why was Ryu revived? Who is Captain Falcon? What is Black Shadow's true
goal? Who's this Miss Killer character, and why does she look like Ryu's
girlfriend? All that cobblers.
The first three episodes are cack. They're awful. They're not good. They do the job of establishing the premise, I guess, but they've got lousy animation and no interesting storylines. It's not until episode 4 that we meet Samurai Goroh, who the writers clearly have far more interest in writing than anyone else. He and his gang do come across as Mary Sues with wicked strength and sage advice and actual weight to their actions, but it's just nice to see the series actually invested in something. It's also the first episode that the animation turns decent!
As kids action anime goes, it's purely adequate. You've got a good-vs-evil story with usually some sort of F-Zero action in each episode and a number of ongoing mysteries, plus an occasional pause for a character-of-the-day story. Some of the mysteries are quite engaging, though given how many of them revolve around Ryu's Rip Van Winkle situation, it takes quite a while for them to show the real gravitas of this: losing everyone you knew and love, awakening in a world where everything is new and you're considered a relic. It's an interesting angle... but not enough is done with it, frankly.
That's the problem with the show: it feels very "stock". We've seen all these
tropes before, and the writers don't feel invested in the content. And that's a
given! It's a licensed anime based off a game that wasn't selling well in Japan
- and they had 52 episodes to make of this stuff. It's a tough predicament to
express enthusiasm in.
My beef lies with how little they capitalised on the material. F-Zero
hasn't stacks of lore - GX was the first instalment to present any of the
character bios and world building in-game - but there's still plenty to work
with. Each and every character has a back-story of their exploits, their home
world and how they got into the sport. Some characters are solitary, while some
have conflicts and relationships spanning multiple other characters. The world
feels very influenced by American comic books - I mean, it's a universe
populated by monsters, superheroes and robots!
And being a racing game, no one's really a "main" character. Sure, folks like
Captain Falcon and Black Shadow are given more prominence and more detailed
backstories, but everyone has their own little pocket of the universe they
reside in, and the F-Zero sport is simply what unites all these weirdoes.
Outside of the cockpits, I bet they'd be getting up to all sorts of crazy
escapades.
There's a lot of potential to be mined from that,
and it's so disappointing that the anime takes it and makes everything so...
binary. These are the good guys, these are the bad guys, each of them
fills a role and there's no wriggle room for them to be anything else. Lucy's
the go-getter cheerleader, Jody's the cold and aloof commander, Clank's the kid
who's there to be emotional and contrary... but who is Dr. Clash when he's not
fixing things? The anime gives the man no backstory, no stories of his own, and
barely any personality. He's there to fix cars, and that's that.
It's neat seeing characters like Billy or Silver Neelson making appearances, but
they inevitably feel wasted because they're either a joke character there for
one episode and never seen again, or they have to fit into the binary. The story
has no room for characters not involved in the conflict, and the Platoon already
has nine characters on the force, so nine times out of ten they've gotta be a
Dark Million agent. It's disappointing to find that every weird alien among the
cast is working for the bad guys, with little to no time to see what stories
they might have.
While the story is entertaining enough, it's frustrating that it refuses to
change the status quo much at all. There are twists and turns, some with really
exciting potential like the realisation that Ryu's lover and Ryu's killer are
both working for Black Shadow, but aside from some lightweight manipulation on
Zoda's part, next to nothing is done with it. Zoda fuckin' dies for several
episodes, and while it has some mild bearing on the bullshit scheme Black Shadow
has cooking, it's mostly an excuse to have a new toy to put on shelves.
With the exception of Clank, the Platoon's lineup remains unchanged throughout
the entire series. Mighty Gazelle is introduced halfway through the series; he's
actually Clank's dad and was a sleeper agent among Dark Million, but was revived
in a robot body as a ploy by Dark Shadow to infiltrate Platoon headquarters.
Even after his brainwashing is cleared up, he has to come to terms with his
condition, his betrayal, and how his son thinks about all this. It's the first
storyline to properly utilise Clank, and it's a terrific angle to work with: he
was a trusted agent in the past, but can they trust him now? Are his enhanced
talents worth the risk?
Who cares, because he sticks around for a measly three episodes before dying,
and goes unmentioned until THE CREDITS OF THE FINAL EPISODE.
It's tough to talk about the show without making comparisons to something, be it
the source material or other kids anime. As far as story and character
development go, Bomberman Jetters trumps Falcon Densetsu in that
category; its story has themes, man! It took a measly six
characters from the source material and spun it into a surprisingly heartfelt
tale of loss, growing up, and coming to terms with one's flaws. Are there themes
in F-Zero? Beats me, buddy.
The entire time I was watching the show I was thinking, they could've done this
way better. Trying to fold the world around a good vs. evil storyline is not
only a bore, but a waste. The unique universe is the real attraction to
F-Zero's lore, and to modify or ditch a ton of that because it's no longer
relevant to the conflict is a tremendous bummer. Choosing to focus on these
select characters for the whole dang run with barely any variation got mighty
tiresome, especially when they had little interest in letting them grow or
change!
What does the show do right? Well, I'll admit I wasn't dying about the character
design at first (and the spherical breasts on all the ladies is a
real eyesore), but it does a good job of punching up some otherwise
lacklustre designs. Dr. Clash's squat physique and mad hair help him stand out
from being a recoloured Doctor Octopus, and although it takes an eternity for
the animators to do it justice, Jack Levin's loud design does fit his role as
Ryu's friendly rival. Apparently the character designer also worked on
Ultimate
Teacher, which is a strange connection. The difference a good animation
studio can make, huh?
Having an outlet for these characters to be part of stories helps a
number of them. Jody Summer comes across as a bit of a perfect waifu in her
F-Zero GX bio, but the anime presents her as tough as nails and
all-business, masking her grief over her brother's death. It still doesn't give
her great stories, mind you, but it's a start. Super Arrow really shines with
his larger than life performance, a well-meaning dope who always tries to save
the day, no matter how outclassed or cowardly he is. His wife Mrs. Arrow,
however, seems like a real step down from her game version. The likes of Lisa
Brilliant and Miss Killer make for good additions to the cast, while Ryu and
Lucy fit the roles they're given; I don't know how well Ryu would fare in an
ensemble cast.
I had a fair enough time watching the show
(i'd had to have, given i had to rewatch it twice again for the
Random Action Hour coverage!), and if you're curious then it doesn't hurt
to check it out. I do wonder if it serves better in its intended purpose to
introduce people unfamiliar with it to the series, rather than fans already
acquainted with it. I do sincerely wish this wasn't the only F-Zero media out
there, that we at least got a manga or something, but you take what you get, I
suppose.
If you'd prefer a sampling, I'd have to recommend the following episodes:
04 Seeking Out Samurai Goroh!
06 Kate Alen the Diva
07 Michael Chain's Trap (dub only, though - see below!)
12 Black Shadow's Laugh
15 Sniper Pico
19 Gomar & Shioh's Grand Operation
21 The Hot Blooded Ladies' Battle!!
24 Octoman's Dream
40 Coffee Break
51 The Legend of Falcon
4KIDS DUB (GP Legend)
I ran these in the background while doing research for the Random Action
Hour coverage, and I actually enjoyed it to some degree! ... mind you, I might
have just gotten tired of the Japanese voices and stale sub script by this
point.
GP Legend's marketing and editing says "stuff that" to Ryu's journey and
places maximum emphasis on the racing; this means cutting Captain Falcon's
presence to a bare minimum, shuffling the episodes around, and even going so far
as to splice more racing footage into some episodes! The show is also adamant to
prevent there ever being a moment of silence; there's noisy scene transitions,
endless banter between characters and loud techno music in place of the old
soundtrack. If you like a wall of noise, this is for you!
The edits are... well, you've probably made your own conclusions. The series
didn't run long enough for the real story arc to begin, but the edits suggest
they weren't that concerned about following it closely. I do appreciate some of
the cuts, if simply because they tighten up the pace of a show that's, well,
paced like an anime. If anything, I actually wish they condensed the series even
more, just so it could get to the more entertaining character-of-the-week
stories around the middle. The opening quarter is pretty weak, let's be be
frank.
The voice acting is the usual crowd from 4Kids, and it's rather hit or miss. None of the villains sound terribly satisfactory, and Mr. Zero's commentary is even more grating in English. That said, the Platoon all make decent transitions, and the comedic characters translate really well; David Lapkin plays John Tanaka hilariously, but David Willis easily steals the show as Super Arrow. His single appearance is easily the highlight of the whole show - and the staff appear to have really enjoyed his debut, as that episode saw more edits than any other, mostly to downplay the actual main story. And believe me, that was a good call!
Given the material it's working with, there wasn't
not much the dub could do to improve it. It's a pity they didn't get to cover
the middle chunk of the series, which would've been ideal for the episodic
racing adventures they advertised the show as.
And to be honest, I wonder if they should've just recut the show entirely to be
episodic shenanigans. I can't speak for American television, but any 4Kids show
that got shown on UK terrestrial television was doomed to repeating the same
episodes over and over - it took years for Sonic X to move beyond its
first dozen stories, I'm sure! (and then we saw nothing but the
Sonic Adventure arc on loop!)
All in all, it's hard to recommend. Episodes 7 and 15 are worth checking out if
just for the dub performances, but overall it's not good enough to alleviate the
show, nor is it bad enough to be mockery material.
THE SUB
For years, the series' finale was the only part of the show that had been
subtitled in English - it wasn't until 2012 that Dreadopp and Zedopp put the
hard work in to covering the entire series, to whom I offer huge kudos! Big ups
for having the guts to hunker down and just do it, y'know?
You could argue it's a bit of a mysterious project, though. What credentials
have they in translating Japanese? Where did they source the videos from?
(given the artifacting on some episodes it's probably VHS rips)
The two have blogs and Twitter feeds, but they just start posting the videos
come the anime's 9th anniversary - no visible prep work or anything. I don't
follow enough fansubs to know if this is common behaviour or not, but you wanna
see the effort, right? Show your work, dudes! Didn't school teach you anything?!
The subtitles get the job done. They're a very straight-forward translation. It is a bit flavourless; there's a bunch of spelling errors, there's no translators notes of any sort, and it's all very rudimentary... but like I said, it gets the job done. I could gripe and nitpick about lots of little things abut it, but there's no genuine failings I have to say about it*. It's a bit dry, but I'm simply glad that these two did what others ignored and subtitled nearly twenty of hours of content. Hats off to you, Dreadopp and Zedopp!
* the Silver Neelsen episode is darn near incomprehensible to me, though I can't tell if that's down to dodgy translation, cultural differences, or the episode simply not being very good.