31/December/2012
Well, it's been a while since that's happened -
there's some updates!
The Bomberman shrine has gotten some love -
Bomberman II
and Bomberman
for PC Engine have been totally finished with more fleshed-out content.
Saturn Bomberman
has coverage for world 3 and the Master Game, though it's all rather unfinished
- I'm hoping to get my paws on the strategy guide. Also, fat stacks of
mobile games.
There's nothing more than an overview for each of them, mind you, at least until
somebody opens up Japanese mobile games to the rest of the world.
Outside of that, there's some
music,
some
sprites,
and a
dumb ol' image from years ago.
Yup.
There might be something new come January, but the best I can see is I'll see
what happens.
24/November/2012
What strange and startling developments have occurred in the life of Ragey over the past four months?
Not much, really. Well, for starters, my feet have somehow been inflicted with every injury known to man - scrapes, bruises, blisters, cuts, everything short of frostbite, from the heel to the sides to the toes. And even the sides of my toes. And given how my personal solution to every health problem in existence is "walk it off", it's pretty aggravating! It doesn't help that every pair of boots I have seems to be the cause of these inconveniences. Who can you trust when you can't trust your own shoes?
I went to see the new James Bond flick recently, Skyfall. Twice, even! Was it just that good? Well, it just happened to be a decent movie to view with two lots of family members. Thanks to having not one but two opportunities to discuss it with folks, here's a fat stack of words about it! Spoilers ahoy.
A PREFACE
I am not a James Bond aficionado. I've seen bits and pieces
out of almost all of them (because ITV1 can't go five days
without some Bond in their timeslots) but I could barely tell you what
happened in each movie. I could tell you I've seen the bit where Bond runs
across the alligators like a dozen times and I can't get enough of it. And I
could loosely recap that one fight scene where James Bond shoots a guy with an
air bullet that makes him inflate like a balloon. Basically, I'm the guy who'll
do nothing but remind you of the goofiest parts of the franchise. Casino
Royale is dark, gritty and full of intense action, you say? Is that so. Hey,
remember when Bond used a helicopter to drop a guy in a wheelchair down a
chimney? That was classic.
In a nutshell, my experience with 007 is really limited to snippets of ITV, a
video game and none of the books. So if you're looking for an excuse to chuck me
and my opinion straight out the window, there you have it.
DISCUSSING THE MOVIE IN QUESTION
I'm not sure how much of the plot I can give away without spoiling
it. There's cyber terrorism, I guess??? And James Bond gets shot, falls off a
bridge, and then FALLS OFF A WATERFALL, and the only setback he suffers
is a crippling alcohol problem. A crippling alcohol problem that's forgotten the
moment he starts globetrotting. Gritty and realistic, you say?!
It's not a bad plot, and there's a reasonable amount of intrigue. It hammers the theme of old vs. new constantly, with MI6 facing allegations of being antiquated into this new, technological world, and Bond using new and old tricks to fight his foes. M gets a lot of focus, being the subject of the villain's hatred as well as own up to some of her errors, but also convince folks that MI6 is still an important asset to British security. Also, there's giant man-eating komodo dragons for some reason. I don't know where they came from, but I want more of them.
If I were to gripe, the plot is very stop and go. There's a lot of scenes of characters just sitting around and discussing WHAT IS THIS BAD PERSON UP TO, and at the end of the day, there's not a whole lot of story or even back-story to wade through. It just feels a bit padded at times. It did move quicker on my second watch, but there's a lot of waiting between action scenes. It runs for two hours and twenty minutes, but they could have trimmed another half hour out of it if they wanted.
GRIPING ABOUT THE MOVIE I REALLY WANTED
I haven't kept up with Bond in a long time - before this, the newest
movie I saw all the way through was Goldeneye (and that
was yonks ago!), though I did catch most of Casino Royale while
visiting my brother back in April. When I think of a 007 movie, I think
outrageous, escapist, wish-fulfilment spy antics with car chases, over-the-top
action and a guy in a suit who has funny, sexy and mysterious written all over
them. But mostly the car chases.
I didn't catch all of Casino Royale so I'm hardly in a position to critique it with any hint of credibility (but when has that ever stopped me?), though I can hardly remember it. Not much happened, right? It was a bit darker and grittier and Daniel Craig fit into that niche pretty well, I guess. I hate to say Daniel Craig doesn't do much for me, as I think the real complaint is that the new Bond angle does little for me.
It's often said the new Bond is more inspired by the
Jason Bourne series, and it does have that vibe. They share that vein of
cold-nosed seriousness you see in most action flicks nowadays
(also, is it just me, or does the climax of Skyfall really evoke the
cottage fight in the first Bourne film?), but they are kind of
distinct. Skyfall attempts a couple of spots of humour, and its action
scenes are a bit more exotic.
My big beef is that the elements that gave Bond its identity - the fancy
gadgets, the flash cars, the exotic locales, the memorable villains, the breezy
attitude to murder and violence - aren't really present. It's all stone-faced
serious.
It's funny how a franchise about murdering people with
deformities and banging women on a colossal scale is generally seen as a
"family" series in Britain. People have said that the Daniel Craig era of
Bond is the franchise 'growing up', taking cues from modern cinema to what
people are after. Would I be colossally boring if I said it'd be more
interesting if it harkened back to older action films?
Something that's a touch more light-hearted, a bit more humourous, and not so
gosh darned serious about itself. And maybe with more interesting plots than
bloody cyber-terrorism. Heck, even just giving him a giant komodo dragon to
stroke on his lap would have been a nice compromise. Bring back people exposing
money to radiation, that stuff was gold.
... not that this is a terrible persuasive argument. "New Bond has no identity.
Let's go back to Campy Bond!" That's great critiquin', Ragey. You're gonna win
that Stupid Critic of the Year award fer sure.
TALKING WAY TOO MUCH ABOUT THE CAST
Daniel Craig plays Bond well for what he is - a guy for action. Like,
literal action. If you need a guy to have a scrap on top of a train or
something, Craig's your man. Though his Bond doesn't really carry an air of wit,
cleverness or charisma on him, if you ask me. He's just a grim-faced dude who's
mad stoic. If I had a choice of protagonist I'd probably ask for a refund.
That said, I respect that this Bond isn't perfect, and doesn't finish his fights
without a few scrapes himself. The flawless, invincible Bond got quite tiresome.
But there's not much else about him to root for.
The supporting cast is pretty good. I quite liked Eve, Bond's partner in the prologue. I couldn't help but find her story of "in-the-field operative reduced to office duty" more intriguing than Bond's "secret agent fouls up a bit, then returns to secret agent-ing anyway" plot. She had better charisma than Bond; and if the movie is content being a modern gritty action movie, then having somebody other than yet another grizzled white dude in the starring role would have been a pleasant change of pace.
On that note, there is a Bond girl, but she doesn't hang around. There's no drawn-out romance or lovemaking scenes. To be frank, I'm glad those were ditched. It's a Bond staple, sure, but it's such a formality, you know? You've got over two hours of screen time to work with here, and I'd like it to be filled with explosions and cars. There are plenty of other outlets for spy romance or ugly dresses.
There's a new Q - a young chap in glasses and dorky attire who looks like he's pandering straight to the Tumblr audience. Given how the kooky old Q wouldn't fit in with the new setting, this fellow fits in pretty well. He's dorkishly adorable and gets some okay banter with Bond, but didn't exactly enthral me.
The villain is okay, but really nothing remarkable.
He's a cyber terrorist! Like we haven't seen enough of those. Yeah, computers
are pretty powerful these days! It's also tiresome as all hell. Can't movies
just forget we live in the future for a second? Cheers, thanks, I appreciate it.
He does get some good drama going on, sporting an intense hatred but strangely
Oedipal feelings towards M for all she did to him. It gets pretty dang Freudian
any time he's on-screen. He's fair enough for the plot, and gives the movie its
mandatory homoerotic come-on to Bond (because we can't pander
enough to Tumblr these days), but he's not exactly memorable.
It's probably ableist to include it nowadays, but it was more interesting when
Bond villains were weirdoes, like guys with pincer claws or nasty teeth. I think
the next villain should be called Whipnipples. I mean, think about it, it covers
the physical deformity trope, and it demands shirtless scenes between him
and Bond. Show me the money, MGM.
The real star of the show is M. Judi Dench is always a treat to watch, and her part of the plot is more interesting than anything Bond has to do (besides the flipping out and killing people part). She's the one with the real weight on her shoulders, having to own up to her mistakes, prevent MI6 from being disbanded and whatnot. She's all business, but does look out for Bond. I'd dare say the character you really come to see Skyfall for is M.
FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE
STOP TALKING ALREADY
I enjoyed it. It remained enjoyable the second time around.
It's most certainly not "the best Bond ever" as people are boasting. The
pacing's a bit iffy and there were a couple of wasted opportunities, I felt. But
let's face it, it's an action flick. If you're an individual with very pedantic
opinions on how film adaptations of long-running franchises should be produced
(hello!), you know from the start you're going to be hard to please. But if
you're looking for a decent thrill with no real surprises to the genre, you
can't go too wrong with it.
16/July/2012
Today's observation: Has anyone ever made a
recipe for a meat pizza?
I'm not talking like pizza with meat toppings on it - I'm talking like a
hunk of meat, a pork chop or something, that you'd treat like a pizza. Slather
the top of it in mozzarella cheese, tomato sauce, pepperoni, the works.
Because, damn it, if someone hasn't made it, I may just have to.
20/June/2012
I've actually watched a fair few movies in the past
few months, but just haven't had the interest or energy to review them - and
also because who cares? (for those who do care, I aim to have one
of those "Games I Played in 2012" articles by the end of the year and will cover
TV and movies and books and whatnot, simply because I ain't got nothing better
to put on the website!)
I watched Prometheus last night, though, and figured I might as well
waffle a bit to keep up with my reviews of the Alien quadrilogy (I just
love how hilariously dumb that word is - I'd use it in every sentence if I
could. Somebody stop me!). Spoilers ahoy.
In the futuristic world of 2089, archaeologists discover that a bunch of civilisations across the earth in different times happen to cover the same event in their various art - big dudes from space pointing to the stars. Well, golly gosh, that sounds like an invitation! ... doesn't it? I didn't really get the logic behind that, besides "optimism!" A bunch of dudes later go into space to snoop around the planet depicted, and find weird shit! Also, people are scheming against each other!
Okay, the movie doesn't exactly bill itself as a
sequel or prequel to Alien, but it's a nice change of pace that we're not
dealing with xenomorphs this time around. The monsters aren't quite as well
defined, but that adds to the horror - when you see these things, you really
don't know what you're going to expect. The body horror and alien sexuality of
the xenomorphs is most assuredly freaky, but it gets less horrifying the more
you see them, y'know? It's freaky the first time, then they get turned into
generic mass mobs in the later films. You know jack about the new alien threats,
and as such I was squirming in my seat on occasion just out of fear of what
they'd do. There's nothing as horrific (or as memorable!) as the chest burster,
but just seeing a worm snap a dude's arm in half and dive inside his mouth was
shocking because, hey, I hadn't seen that combination before!
My worst bit was easily Shaw's caesarean. Just - jeez, ugh! Squid in your belly!
It's funny, monsters bursting out of chests didn't faze me, but a monster being
cut out of a stomach had me squirming all over the place. Oh, I'll never be a
father.
Despite talking about them in the first bloody paragraph, there's very little in the way of actual monster encounters. What carries the movie is the mystery and sense of exploration. You've got a strange vast structure to explore with weird tech lying around, you've got grumpy people scheming against each other behind the scenes, and a totally uncooperative android being an asshole. Not to mention all the strange new landscapes and environments. The movie has some really spectacular environments. I am a plain ol' sucker for scenery. It was pretty neat seeing the familiar style of ship design from Alien, except on the big screen. It feels like more could have been explored of both the structure and even the ship, but that's just me seeking my world building.
I wasn't dying about the characters, though. David
the android was an intriguing character, and Janek the captain was fun, but none
of the characters really made much of an impression. Too many of them felt like
archetypes than actual characters: the cold authority figure, the
friendly-to-a-fault scientist, the paranoid bloke, we've seen it all before. The
scene where everyone is seated at the presentation was a brief little exposé on
their mannerisms, and I was expecting more scenes like that to follow... but by
the end of the film, I still felt like I barely knew the crew.
It doesn't help that even in the final stretch of the film, new faces were
showing up I'd never seen before. Alien had only seven crew members,
while this one has seventeen. With that scale it's hard to see them all for an
equal length of time and get attached, but it also meant you never knew how much
cannon fodder was left - in the climax we see several new faces, and it almost
felt like they were plucked out of a broom closet just to supply an extra death
or two.
Ultimately, the movie doesn't give satisfying
answers. The mysterious creatures seen early in Alien weren't really
aliens, but big ol' humans in alien-looking helmets. Why did they create
humanity? Who knows. Why did they want to destroy humanity? Why not? Did they
create the xenomorph? Not intentionally.
If you view it actively looking for answers to the little mysteries from the
original movie, you're probably going to be disappointed - not only does it
answer very little (if that!), it ends up diluting the mystery of the original
film. Viewing it as a standalone flick does make for better watching, but let's
face it, when it's advertised as being in the same universe as Alien,
that's practically a big invitation to start unfairly comparing them.
I had a good time. I went in with no real expectations, but I won't deny I left
comparing it to the original Alien... and I suppose if I were to rank it
among other films, I'd place it alongside Moon, Sunlight and so
on. Putting it in the same category as Alien and Aliens, films
from thirty years ago, seems out of place. Alien is a great film and as
much as I'd love to see that same brand of gritty, industrial space atmosphere
captured in a recent film, I don't think anything will quite compare.
11/June/2012
We got ourselves a big ol' Bomberman update; still not much in the way of groundbreaking new content, but personally, I'm just looking to spruce up the old content as best I can.
Well, I've had my new computer for about three weeks now. It took a while to settle in, no thanks to me clinging on to Windows XP for the longest time possible, but I'm adjusted nicely now. The machine cost less than the old one and has more hard drive space and memory than I know what to do with, so that's a plus. Windows 7 isn't too bad, but losing out on DOS functionality is a bummer, and the control panel is crazy unintuitive. I'm so used to having all my options laid out in front of me, rather than having to play Twenty Questions before I find what I want. Also, for whatever reason despite billing itself as a media centre, it doesn't have a DVI port, so I can't output my monitor onto my TV. Well why even bother playing PC games now?! >:V
I'm glad to have moved on, but I do miss it, though. Well, I don't physically miss it - I want nothing to do with that unnecessarily huge piece of machinery clogging up an entire shelf - but I miss the DVI port that allowed TV-out display; I miss the operating system; and perhaps most of all, I miss the filth.
I had around eight years of filth growing between those keys! I scrubbed it once in a blue moon, but not once did I take the sensible option of just bunging it in the dish washer (or more appropriately, chucking it in a canal). Filth aside, it was a good keyboard, and I'm the kind of person who hates to bin something if it's still perfectly functional... but let's face it, only I would be brave or foolish enough to be within ten feet of that thing.
I have no damned clue what I was meant to be achieving with this blog post.